...THERAPY...

ahhhhh, i feel like i can breathe!

thursday night was a really special night for me. as you know, i spent the evening at tri community as a guest speaker in one of their photography classes. i have been invited there before as a speaker, and also hosted a photoshoot workshop (for lack of a better term) there. i was really excited that they invited me back...but then i got nervous. why, you may ask???

have a seat, this a little heavy...

the honest truth is that 2009 was a tough year! mostly the end of 2009...and it is still tough! i was nervous to go speak to students who might "look up" to my position, because all my stories as of late have been about me getting kicked in the teeth. at first, i was feeling a little embarrassed, thinking, i don't want to tell them that i am not booking major campaigns, and making huge money!!! but then i had to check myself...it wouldnt be fair to lie...to them, or me.

that brings me to state the obvious...the economy sucks - we all know that. i am thankful that i didnt have a 401k or a home to lose, although, i dont have a 401k or own a home, so glass half full, or empty? full!!!! more than just a bad economy, my biggest problem this year was learning lessons. hard ones. a lot of contractual lessons, client relationship lessons, money lessons, trade lessons, and good old fashioned hard work lessons. none more important than the other...some definitely harder to learn than others.

see, i had never had to work really hard to get work - or clients. i have to admit that i have been very fortunate in photography so far, but i could do so much better. i had a long term client last year that chose to end our relationship very abruptly. i have no need to say why, or to go into detail, but it was a suprise. i had worked with them for a long time, and my duties were steadily growing with them. so much so, that i started to neglect other aspects of my business...not on purpose, it just happened. i didnt realize at the time the damage i was doing to my self and the opportunity to stay busy once the relationship ended. basically, i was up shit creek without a paddle. i had not built any relationships with other lines, pr companies, or showrooms. suddenly i had no potential clients.

the thing was, that i didnt really even know what to do to get them! i was paralyzed.

fast forward to the beginning of february. i realized just how bad it was, and i had one night of crying and freaking out. the next day, i got up, went to work on getting work, and havent looked back since! i cant tell you how it feels to have a fire burn inside you - you have to experience it...you will know when it happens to you. i have almost a fury about me now, that drives me from the moment i wake until late at night when i am in bed, on the computer finding leads to email the following morning. i have never taken so many meetings in my life! i have made relationships with people who didnt know i existed before february! i am finding ways to survive!

i decided to make promo cards ( little leave behinds to help sell you to potential clients) for my newest photographic passion, maternity and newborns!! here is an example!



long story long, i am on fire. i have never had it so bad, but i have never worked so hard, and its never felt so good.

its therapeutic to talk about tough times, and verbalize how you are getting through it. the most important thing is to keep it real, it is so easy to lie to yourself, and so tiring. remember that you are not alone - we all struggle. even the biggest and best. keep you heads up, and support one another - we will grow, get better, and survive!

thank you again to albert martinez, and tri community for having me!

xx